Not Perfect: More Tim Minchin

I've been listening to/searching out Tim's stuff now since Tuesday, and so far I've found multiple things I really like, and nothing that I dislike. And here's the problem: all the good stuff, it's really really good. So good that I would like to learn to play it/sing it. (I guess that isn't a problem). But (here comes the problem), I can't. I mean, I'm not a 31 year old married Australian. Other awesome artists with moving love songs and the like have the decency to make it either really specfiic, but clearly as "story", or super universal. Not Tim, oh no, Tim wants to make it all about him, him, him. Selfish bastard, I want to make it all about ME, ME, ME. But now I can't. So you'll just have to listen to "Not Perfect" by Tim Minchin as played by him instead of as played by me because he's a selfish jerk.

[Tim Minchin, sitting at piano speaking into mic]: This feeling, you know that feeling you get when you feel like you’re the smallest [gestures to self] doll in a babushka doll?
[Audience Laughs, Tim Minchin gives meaningful look]
This is a song about that.
[Starts playing piano chording slowly]
[Singing]: This is my Earth and I live in it.
It’s one third dirt and two thirds water.
And it rotates and revolves through space, at rather an impressive pace, and never even messes up my hair. [Some audience giggles]
[Tim look as though he just thought of something] And here’s the really weird thing: the force created by its spin is the force that stops the chaos flooding in.

This is my Earth, and it’s fine.
It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time.
It’s not perfect but it’s mine.
It’s not perfect.

This is my country, and I live in it.
It’s pretty big and nice to walk on.
And the bloke who runs my country has built a demagoguery and taught us to be fearful and [sung with derision] boring. [Applause]
And the weirdest thing is that he is conservative of politics, but really rather radical of eyebrow. [Laughter and applause]

This is my country and it’s fine.
It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time.
It’s not perfect but it’s mine.
It’s not perfect.

This is my house and I live in it.
It’s made of cracks and photographs.
We rent it off a guy who bought it from a guy, who bought it from a guy, [audience laughter] whose granddad left it to him.
[Tim looks like he’s mentally searching for lyrics] And the weirdest thing is that this house has locks to keep the baddies out but they’re mostly used to lock ourselves in.

This is my house and it’s fine.
It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time.
It’s not perfect but it’s mine.
It’s not perfect but it's mine.

This is my body and I live in it.
It’s 31 and 6 months old.
It’s changed a lot since it was new, it’s done stuff it wasn’t built to do [audience laughter]: I often try to fill it up with wine. [audience laughter]
And the weirdest thing about it is: I spend so much time hating it but it never says a bad word about me.

This is my body and it’s fine.
It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time.
It’s not perfect but it’s mine.
It’s not perfect.

This is my brain [audience laughter][Tim sings high pitched] and I live in it.
It’s made of love and bad song lyrics [ashamedly sung]. [audience laughter]
It’s tucked away behind my eyes where all my fucked up thoughts can hide, ‘cos God forbid I hurt somebody.
And the weirdest thing about a mind: is that every answer that you find is the basis of a brand new cliché. [audience chuckles]

This is my brain and it’s fine.
It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time.
It’s not perfect but it’s mine.
It’s not perfect but it’s mine.
It’s not perfect, I’m not quite sure I’ve worked out how to work it.
It’s not perfect but it’s mine.
[close up on Tim playing outro]
[Applause]
[Spoken]: Thank you.
[Bows]

as always, as complete a transcript as I can make

There are just so many things to love about this song:
Every time I hear him sing about the "force created by the spin" of earth, it makes me wonder yet again at how crazily lucky it is that life even exists, let alone you and me*.
When he sings about Australia, you can tell that he really cares about his country and wants to see it get better, and seeing that reflected in his lyrics about the "locks to keep the baddies out" that are "mostly used to lock ourselves in" is just wonderful as well.
I think anyone who's grown up in our body-shaming culture can relate to the body verse, and at least for this person with depression: I really felt connected with the pressing need to try to protect people from myself.



Hmmm, maybe with a good U.S. related re-write of the country bit I could perform this myself. It might just be worth it.


*which has been helped along considerably by the fact that I am currently reading The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins wherein he talks briefly about all the exact little things that went into creating this planet that is suitable for carbon based life, of which there are a considerable number, (and that doesn't mean I think this was "designed" for us. As, uh, (thanks yingyang)someone whose name I can't remember Douglas Adams said, that'd be like a puddle looking at it's place in the world and saying "wow, I sure fit in this here puddle quite nicely, it must mean that it was MADE for me", which I think we can all get the humor of quite well without an explanation of).

You say "Funny" I Say "Beautiful"

I have found one of the best, most beautiful and moving love songs to ever grace the internet ("If I Didn't Have You" by Tim Minchin. I'm totally serious when I say that listening to it repeatedly for the transcription was hard because I kept almost tearing up.

Now, this is technically a "comedy" song. Or by "technically", I guess I mean that the singer is among other things a comedian and that the audience has reason to laugh periodically during it.

However, this is indeed an absolutely beautiful love song.

*Background vocals are in parentheses

[Spoken, low voiced and breathy]: So, uh, I'm married. And, uh, the woman I'm married to I met in High School, and this is a song I wrote for her. It's called: "If I Didn't Have You"

[Sung, Romantically, "Spanish" Guitar in Background? with R&B beats]:
Yeah, yeah,
If I didn't have you.

If I didn't have you to hold me tight,
(If I didn't have you)
If I didn't have you to lie with at night,
(When I'm feeling blue)
If I didn't have you to share my sighs,
(Share my sighs)
And to kiss me and dry my tears when I cry,
Well I, really think that I would...

Have somebody else.

[Laughter]

(If I didn't have you)
If I didn't have you, someone else would do.
Your love is one in a million,
(One in a million),
You couldnt buy it at any price,
(Can't buy love).

But of the 9.999 hundred thousand other possible loves
Statistically some of them would be equally nice
(Equally nice).
Or maybe not as nice but say:
[gester/half shrug]smarter than you,
or dumber but better at sport or...
tracing.

I'm just saying,
(I really think that I would),
Probably,
(Have somebody else).

Yeah. [Shimmies down and up]

(If I didn't have you),
If I didn't have you someone else would do, [shrugs]
(Someone else would surely do).

["Spoken Word"ish]: And look, I'm not undervaluing what we've got when I say that given the role chaos inevitably plays in the inherently flawed notion of "fate" [air quotes], it's obstruse to deduce I found my soulmate at the age of 17. It's just mathematically unlikely that at a university in Perth I happened to stumble on the one girl on earth specifically designed for me.

And if I may conjecture a further objection--love is nothing to do with destined "perfection" [air quotes]--the [gestering] connection is strengthened, the affection simply grows over time:
Like a flower
Or a mushroom
Or a guinea pig
Or a vine
Or a sponge
Or bigotry
[Laughter]
... or a [wide eyed] banana (banana).

And love is made more powerful by the ongoing drama of shared experience and the synergy of a kind of symbiotic empathy or something.

[Sung]: So I trust it goes without saying,
That I would feel really very sad
if tomorrow you were to fall off something high [raises arms],
Or catch something bad.

But I'm just saying:
I don't think you're special.
I mean, I mean... I think your special
But you fall within a bell curve [shows a bell curve with hands].

[Laughter]

I mean, I'm just saying I
(Think that I would)
Probably
(Have somebody else).

["Spoken Word"ish]: I mean I reckon it's pretty likely that if for example my first girlfriend Jackie hadn't dumped me after I kissed Winston's ex-girlfriend Nia back at Steph's party in 1993, and our variables would probably have been altered by the absence of that event to have meant the advent of a tangential [gestering indicating other timeline] narrative in which we don't meet.

[Sung]: Which is to say there exists a theoretical hypothetical parallel life
Where what is is not as it is and I am not your husband and you are not my wife.

And I am a stuntman living in LA [arms up, as though weighing things/dancing]
Married to a small blonde portugese skier [downhill skiing motion]
Who when she's not training
Does abstract painting
Practises yoga
And brews her own beer
And really like making home movies
And suffers neck [gesters to below neck] down alopecia.

[Laughter]
[Predatory, or perhaps mischevious smile]

But with all my heart and all my mind I know one thing is true
I have just [holds right hand at waist level with index finger sticking up] one life and just [holds left hand at waist level with index finger sticking up] one love and my love [open handed toward audience/"you"] that love is you.
And if it wasn't for you
Baby
(really think that I would)
Probably
(Have somebody else).

Yeah. [Shimmies up and down]

(If I didn't have you)
If I didn't have you someone else would surely
(Someone else would surely do)
Dooooooooooooo.

[Applause]

as always, click for as complete a transcript as I can make:

Some notes:

• Tim Minchin apparently always performs barefoot, this indeed makes me happy.
• Additionally, there are lyrics online for this that seem to indicate that there is a longer version. However, I am going to say that I feel the other version is decidedly less good. In the excised portions, he goes for, shall we say, "easier" laughs. Eh.
• Greta Christina's Blog is the sole reason I saw this. Thanks Greta!

Everyone I've shown this to so far, has found this silly or funny. And I get it, I really do, the humorous aspects of it. But mostly when I watch it I think of living my life with someone I love. Knowing that the fact that we met and got together was a random chance, that any of a number of things could have gone entirely differently, and that our relationship, as all relationships, is a gamble.

My and Bluejay's getting together story isn't simple (though no one's really is): we met because his ex-girlfriend went to the same college as I did, and she in turn started dating someone who lived in my dorm, and that significant other of hers became friends with Bluejay, and she was invited to visit our college. I was in a (new) monogamous relationship with (the here-after named:) the estraNged*, and it would be a stretch to imply that I was immediately attracted to Bluejay, I was so wrapped up in being with the estraNged. Months later, after the estraNged and I decided to move to Boston (itself a haphazard choice) for the summer, ze had to just about drag me to the Dyke March here, which is where Bluejay and I re-met, and when Bluejay asked for my number, (and there were still further twists).

I tell this not just because I like to hear myself speak/see myself write (though that's true too), but also to illustrate how really truly much I appreciate the ability to find beauty in random chance love. Because I think that's honestly the case: that all love is a happy accident, making this song profoundly true, and sublimely beautiful to me for speaking that truth.


*This name was decided on jointly by us, thus making "estranged" actually, patently untrue

[Edited to fix bad coding]

Back!

Or at least I'm going to try.

So good news: last week I found out (a week after applying) that I was accepted into the fall semester for the Social Work program I was excited about. I may be posting the absolutely brilliant essay which helped get me in very shortly. Ego? What ego?

Bad news: in the time I was away from blogging, bigotry has continued in the world. Damn. You'd think people would have the consideration to not do this shit while I can't write about/engage with it! (Or at all, *sigh* that'd be nice)



I saw the new Star Trek movie with my family a couple weeks back. It was very frustrating listening afterward to my mother talking about Uhura. (Spoilers ahead!!!)

My mom's totally a feminist (or, she definitely identifies as one, and she's generally pretty aware of sexism happening around her), but she totally bought into stupid sexist bullshit during the movie.

A brief explanation: Uhura is the SOLE female character of substance in the original television show and the current movie. In the movie, there are 4 females that even have lines (or it feels like it). They are, respectively: the mothers of Spock and Kirk, and Uhura and her roommate. Who, coincidentally, are also portrayed as the love/lust interests of Spock and Kirk (respectively).

Uhura being Spock's love interest actually had me happy, but at the same time, it's sort of frustrating the the only actually realized female character also needs to be reimagined as the +1 to Spock.

But whatever. The problem was, after the movie, my mother tried to argue that we were supposed to think/she thought that Uhura was therefore only allowed on the Starship Enterprise because she was sleeping with her professor/superior officer (Spock), and that the REASON in the movie that Spock told her that she was "the best," was because he said it in some sort of post-coital, pre-coital attempt to woo her or something.

REALLY Mom? Even though throughout the movie we are hit over the head about the extreme competence of Uhura? Even though there is a scene where the ACTUAL communications officer (who presumably has years of experience, and more training than Uhura) is by far less competent than she is? (Uhura, we learn, knows all the dialects of Romulan and Vulcan) Even though we see a scene where she intercepts Klingon (I believe) transmissions that are supposed to be far above her level and then translates them. And then uses that translation with Kirk to recognize a larger pattern?

We're supposed to think that she's just a "dumb bimbo" (not an actual quote), buying her way into Star Fleet by her wiles? I came away from it thinking none of that, thinking that the relationship was one primarily of equals (yes, he is her professor, but he is a very recent graduate himself, and she is about to become one). I didn't even CONSIDER a "dumb bimbo" situation. The only conceivable explanation to me was that Spock, being very intelligent (and logical, naturally) himself, would only ever be attracted to someone equally as intelligent and hard working.

Don't worry. Mom's all set now about how she ignored all the evidence to fall into sexist tropes. Love ya.

More Joy

I know I know, there's been far too much posting of videos that are wonderful and bring a smile to people's faces?

No? LOVELY!

(PS, this video is NSFW, the chorus is comprised primarily of "Fuck You"s, so go forth with headphones!)



(As usual click for)

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
Then look a bit harder
'Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired
Of all the hatred you harbor

So you say it's not okay to be gay
Well, I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Do you get, do you get a little kick
Out of being small minded?
You want to be like your father
It's approval you're after
Well, that's not how you find it

Do you, do you really enjoy
Living a life that's so hateful?
'Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
You're losing control a bit
And it's really distasteful

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

Lyrics! (that I promise won't take you away from the page!)

Some notes:
The woman in the rainbow scarf, is apparently the mother of the person who put it all together!
A whole hell of a lot of people on that video were not just cute, but very hot.
I wish I knew just about everyone that was part of the video, 'cause it was so lovely and adorable. It almost makes me want to become some type of video-making person! (Almost)

Breaking News...

Agreeing with me is like agreeing with HITLER!!!


Everyone may commence pointing and laughing now.

But seriously, it's nice to know that our resident troll thinks I'm as charismatic and persuasive as Hitler. A little creepy yes, but I promise that I will be a benevolent dictator when I use my army of atheist sympathizers to take over Europe through violence. Anyone want to buy me a plane ticket so I can get started?

My Atheism

A small quibble when it comes to the definition of atheist: "a theory or belief that God does not exist" (OED). When I say I am an atheist I do not mean that I believe there are no gods.
I mean that I do not believe that there are gods.

See the slight difference?
I am an atheist in the same way I am an a-unicorn-ist. Both of them are purported to exist, but I view all claims about this with skepticism. I don't need to actively believe in their non-existence, because there is no evidence that I have to dismiss.

This is in contrast to people who believe that global warming/climate change doesn't exist. See, there is quite a bit of evidence that says that it does. As such, refusal to acknowledge this probability requires a degree of faith.

And therein lies the rub. In our society, it is considered completely normal to believe in all sorts of wacky things, provided a plurality of people also do, and the wacky things you believe were in fact codified X years ago as a religion (X varies, according to some people Mormonism is a dangerous cult, as is Scientology. Some others view Mormonism as a valid religion, while Scientology doesn't get the pass, since it's too young, etc.). But say you believe in unicorns and people tend to assume you are either: very young, being sarcastic, or rather unintelligent/naive. Yet, of the two, unicorns are clearly more benign. In most cultures that used to believe in them, they were considered signs of good fortune, and were generally considered non-violent. Compare this to the history of gods, who almost to an individual are considered jealous and violent. Run into a god in most mythologies, and your life will be quite possibly turned upside down in an unpleasant way.

As a person, I see no reason to believe that there are external, supernatural things that exist and control any aspect of the world around me. I do not believe in gods, in spirits, in ghosts, or in souls. I also don't believe that there is an afterlife or a unifying (supernatural) force in the world. As a person, I see no reason to believe in all of that (since there is no evidence to do so), and so I call myself an atheist.

The beauty of life (to me) is that I was born and have this short time to experience it. Hopefully I enjoy the majority of the time, and it is also my hope that I will be able to make those around me enjoy a majority of their time as well. At the end, whatever I did matters to those who remember. This life isn't a test, and it isn't a gift, it just is. And that makes me happy.

Miltary Fairy

My partner Bluejay and I were discussing the normalizing of heterosexuality in our culture, in response to some readings that he'd been doing. It got me to thinking about humor, and how subversive humor can be, if done right, and how utterly not funny it can be when done totally wrong.

For instance: Miltary Fairy from Monty Python

Right! Now let's see something decent and Military. Some Precision Drilling.

Sergeant: Squad... Camp it ... up!
(chanting like a military march drill, they mince in unison)
Oooh get her! Whoops!
I've got your number ducky.
You couldn't afford me, dear. Two three.
I'd scratch your eyes out.

Don't come the brigadier bit with us, dear,
We all know where you've been, you military fairy!

Whoops, don't look now girls,
The major's just minced in
With that dolly colour sergeant,
Two, three, ooh-ho!

Transcript

Monty Python was active in the early 1970s. That's more than 3 decades ago. Yet watching this today it still packs a similar punch.
Why? Because it takes the assumed heterosexuality of men, and specifically, explicitly military men, and turns it on its head. The company is doing "precision drilling," of the campiest sort. This joke wouldn't be funny if the assumption of heterosexuality weren't part of our culture, and if machismo wasn't tied so tightly to that expectation.

For an example of totally unsubversive gay "humor", feel free to see "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry". I certainly didn't, but surprisingly, feel no need to worry. After all, it has Adam Sandler, and the guy who plays the husband/father in King of Queens.

NOM Parody. They Just Keep Getting Better

Loki, each time I think that I have a favorite parody, someone makes an even better one.

Check it out

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

[Sarah Chalke, from Scrubs]: There’s a storm gathering.
[Jason Lewis, Sex and the City]: That’s why there are these clouds behind me. They represent a storm that’s gathering.
[Lynne Stewart]: And it’s gathering fast.
[Alicia Silverstone, from Clueless]: (tearing) And I, am afraid… ‘Cause I have a fear of storms.
[Lance Bass, from *NSYNC]: I’m also afraid
[Liz Feldman, director and producer of this video]: And I am afra….wait did someone say that? Oh he did? My Bad.
[Sarah Chalke, from Scrubs]: Some who advocate for same sex marriage, take the issue far beyond, same sex marriage.
[Sophia Bush, from One Tree Hill]: Like, really far.
[Drew Droege]: They’re trying to force the issue into my life. And it’s just stupid
[Mike Hitchcock, from MADtv]: The storm is getting worser, and worser.
[Daniele Gathier, from MADtv]: Stop it storm.
[Alicia Silverstone, from Clueless]: Stop it storm!
[Mike Hitchcock, from MADtv]: STOP IT STORM
[Jason Lewis, Sex and the City]: I’m a California doctor, who must choose between my faith and my job. Because doctors hate gay marriage.
[Alicia Silverstone, from Clueless]: I’m a Massachusetts mother, helplessly standing by as the schools teach my children that Gay Marriage is OK. I also have an issue with their hot lunch program.
[Jay Lay]: I’m a Connecticut weatherman, and there’s a cold front coming in! And it’s gay people! ‘K they’re here, and we’re here, the Not Gay People. Ok. They ARE trying to get us, be careful, and wind chill will definitely be a factor, so bundle up.
[Erin Foley, from Almost Famous]: The storm is getting bigger.
[Daniele Gathier, from MADtv]: This storm is being caused by Gay marriage.
[George Takei, from Startrek]: That’s what’s up there, married gay people. And they’re doing all this!
[Sarah Chalke, from Scrubs]: Soon, gay people will start falling out of the sky.
[Lance Bass, from *NSYNC]: Onto our homes.
[Sophia Bush, from One Tree Hill]: Onto our churches.
[Lynne Stewart]: And onto our families.
[Jay Lay]: A downpour of gay people, threatening the way we live (falling gays)
[Sarah Chalke, from Scrubs]: And this gay rain army, won’t stop.
[Lynne Stewart]: They’ll come at us, marching
[Liz Feldman, director and producer of this video]: Not marching, more like a dance. They’ll dance at us
[Sarah Chalke, from Scrubs]: And it’ll be choreographed, it’ll be good
[Daniele Gathier, from MADtv]: But they won’t stop until all of us, AND our children, are gay married
[Mike Hitchcock, from MADtv]: I’m so angry!!!!
[Actually, no idea who, was it one of the earlier guys?]: The storm, is, coming (fake accent)
[Jane Lynch, from fucking everything]: But we have hope. People of every creed, race and color are coming together to build a giant umbrella of faith, morality, and righteousness. That will protect us from this gay, rain, army. And that’s not just a metaphor, we’re actually building um, an umbrella. So if you want to protect marriage, and if you have any experience building a giant umbrella, join us at www.giantgayrepellentumbrella.com


I'd love ya'll's opinion on which are the funniest bits, right now I'm leaning towards the weather-man.

Oh, anyone else love how the gay actors are just sprinkled around in there. As in, lots of straight allies. WOOOO go you straight allies, go!

The Cure for the Blues

This song [Edit: Grace Kelly, by Mika /Edit] is the PERFECT pick me up. There are songs that I like, there are songs that I love, and then there are songs that I fervently wish I had been the one to write. Because they are just so damn good.



And because I love you, Lyrics!

[Mika Speaking/Voice Over]: I wanna talk to you

[Little Girl Voice Over]: The last time we talked Mr. Smith you reduced me to tears, I promise you it wont happen again

[Singing]: Do I attract you? Do I repulse you with my queasy smile? Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty? Do I like what you like?
I could be wholesome, I could be loathsome, guess I'm a little bit shy. Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me without making me try?
I try to be like Grace Kelly. But all her looks were too sad. So I try a little Freddie, mmm. I've gone identity mad!
I could be brown, I could be blue, I could be violet sky. I could be hurtful, I could be purple, I could be anything you like. Gotta be green, gotta be mean, gotta be everything more. Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? Why don't you walk out the door!

[Little Girl Voice Over]: Getting angry doesn't solve anything

[Singing]: How can I help it? How can I help it? How can I help what you think? Hello my baby. Hello my baby. Putting my life on the brink. Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? Why don't you like yourself? Should I bend over? Should I look older just to be put on your shelf?
I try to be like Grace Kelly. But all her looks were too sad. So I try a little Freddie. I've gone identity mad!
I could be brown, I could be blue, I could be violet sky. I could be hurtful, I could be purple, I could be anything you like. Gotta be green,gotta be mean, gotta be everything more. Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? Walk out the door!
Say what you want to satisfy yourself. But you only want what everybody else says you should want, you want!
I could be brown, I could be blue, I could be violet sky. I could be hurtful, I could be purple, I could be anything you like. Gotta be green, gotta be mean, gotta be everything more. Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? Walk out the door!
I could be brown, I could be blue, I could be violet sky. I could be hurtful, I could be purple, I could be anything you like! Gotta be green, gotta be mean, gotta be everything more. Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? walk out the door!

[Little Girl Voice Over]: Humphry were leaving

[Mika Speaking]: KaCHING!

So yeah. This song is the cheerfullest, sunniest, "Fuck You" the world has ever seen. He wrote it because he was denied an opera role. Now it's his number 1 hit.