A note about The Deviated Norm

This here is a low traffic blog on topics close to my heart. As such, comments and engagement on old posts are always welcome and will be responded to. Except! for comments on old posts telling me to lighten up, not take things so seriously, or let things go, 'cause that shit's just plain ironic. Those comments will get a suggestion to visit Derailing for Dummies.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

New and Improved Insights Upcoming: Bad News Edition

On Wednesday my father found out what type of cancer he has. As of Friday I didn't even know that he had *any* type of cancer (though he did, apparently he didn't realize that it might be a big deal to everyone else in the family). I tell you this not to gain sympathy points (and in fact, I request that people not comment to that effect).

I'm not even writing this to let you know that posts will be less frequent, because honestly, at this moment I don't believe this to be the case. While yes, I'll probably be the one to mostly be ferrying him to and from chemo and appointments (since I am nearby and my mother is already dealing with her step-mother and sister's cancers), I hope that this will not affect the amount of blogging I do.

However, it may be changing some of my focuses. My grandmother died of cancer when I was 2, so I never really knew her, nor did I really have a conception of what a struggle with cancer might look like. Likewise, due to my aunt and grandmother being neither nearby nor people who I want to spend copious amounts of time with, especially when they are needing a lot (and rightfully so! what with the whole "cancer" thing), I haven't really had to deal too strongly with what it is like to be a close family member of someone dealing with hospitals all the time, or that pesky "survival" business. I have some assumptions that this time will make me more aware of classism and how it affects access to treatment, and also how the medical profession can fail or succeed to treat patients with respect, though I can't be certain (I might be too distracted by the situation at hand to look at the larger systemic issues).

So, if it is the case that by being a caretaker of my father I encounter new situations which make me think new (and improved?) thoughts about marginalization and oppression, it is quite possible this will be something I will start writing about with more frequency.

Also, since cancer (and my father's ability to survive it) will be something that I will be dealing with on a regular basis, it is likely that even on posts that are not explicitly about oppression or marginalization, or cancer, that mentions of it will slip in. So... don't be surprised?

Already I have new insights. For instance: there is no fucking easy way to tell someone that your dad has cancer. It's frustrating when you don't want to sidetrack an entire conversation but you also don't want to tell a big ole lie of omission by being all "oh life's good" when the usually innocuous question of "how are you?" comes up. Do you send out massive emails? Do you put up a blog post and tell everyone to read it? Do you tell people individually? Do you casually slip "chemo" into conversation? I will find out the answers to this, and more! in the coming months.

Hopefully my further insights will be a little more... insightful.


  1. I'm so sorry to hear that, DevE =( Good luck to you and your family.

  2. Sending healing thoughts your father's way, and strength to both of you.

    (((hugs))) <-- if you want 'em

  3. I'm really sorry to hear that. I wish you and your family good luck, and I hope your father will be okay.

  4. I wish you and your father well, DeviantE.

    As for being distracted by the situation at hand vs. looking at the larger systemic issues, my experience suggests that your awareness of that conjunction of the personal and the systemic deepens over time, so that you'll still have plenty to explore, if you wish, after this part of the journey is completed.


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