tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088212709652359108.post3790553513809268746..comments2023-03-27T10:10:56.021-04:00Comments on The Deviated Norm: Compare and Contrast: A Study in Two BlogsTheDeviantEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11962230588950968738noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088212709652359108.post-7994320694388070292010-06-11T03:15:48.696-04:002010-06-11T03:15:48.696-04:00Maybe send one last email asking that your comment...Maybe send one last email asking that your comment in moderation at least be released?(Not to say I think he will, but there may be a chance.)<br /><br />Or just send an <i>actual</i> angry email and add little smileys since that means it's a-okay when you call him a privileged asshole cause, hello, you're all smiley! You can't be mean with emoticons! Sometimes the angry response makes me feel better even though I know it's not going to help the conversation. (And runs the risk of being posted on his blog as "see how unreasonable this person is?" ignoring all the reasonable shit you did send.)ohandsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088212709652359108.post-8848800911775419022010-06-10T06:56:02.053-04:002010-06-10T06:56:02.053-04:00Wow, DevE, that sucks rocks. The "why aren...Wow, DevE, that sucks rocks. The "why aren't you giving me cookies for acknowledging that you're human instead of expecting more of me?" shit doesn't, sadly, surprise me, but that he isn't even willing to acknowledge on his own blog where, after all, he has total control of the conversation, that he is now aware of this "new" information because you educated him on the point is deeply dishonest. Clearly, he's attempting to erase the whole exchange from his little corner of reality.<br /><br />And the idea that he's entitled to get shit wrong without being called on it because blogging is hard - shit, he stole that line from W! Presidentin' is <i>hard</i>! Like bloggin'! They're both <i>hard</i>. So, ya know, it's not fair to have any sort of standards for gettin' stuff right - cause it's already hard without that!<br /><br />If you have the energy, I like the idea of providing 'slap upside' with some reading material (like karnythia's <a href="http://karnythia.livejournal.com/1387435.html" rel="nofollow">The Do's and Don'ts of Being a Good Ally</a>) on the way out. Because there's always a chance he'll read it out of curiousity and then, despite sniffing at it as being nothing to do with him, it might dig into his mind a bit and have some long-term effect.Maudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13737528401755636217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088212709652359108.post-18131296695131611352010-06-09T15:06:27.552-04:002010-06-09T15:06:27.552-04:00I don't really see any further responses going...I don't really see any further responses going anywhere, he'll feel he's like, totally addressed your points now and you can't say anything else bad neener neener. And it was less than a day for me between when the story broke about the couple and the misgendering was made apparent, it is just laziness to hide behind "well blogging is hard work and don't be mad at me!" The least said person could have done was made it a large, apologetic point in the next post. That would have been acknowledging that it is more than simple inaccuracy to do so. <br /><br />the larger question of how to respond to blogs and other places that pull this stuff is so much more difficult, and I don't really know. Some places I stop reading, others I keep on but try to remember I'm not really their full audience.Tenya Lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14039536535436759934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088212709652359108.post-29735847189753164382010-06-09T13:48:06.658-04:002010-06-09T13:48:06.658-04:00CaitieCat, I'm torn between being sad that you...CaitieCat, I'm torn between being sad that you don't have a magic bullet of fighting oppression, and impressed that you've juggled elephants as a response to it ;-)<br /><br />I guess I'm just trying to get a referendum from people so that I can figure out what *would* feel best. <br />Part of me thinks it'd be best (emotionally) to just stop engaging, because clearly, no matter how nice and tip-toey I am, he's going to think I'm being angry (seriously? seriously?? my email I wrote last night was angry? That was the nicest possible way to tell him he stepped in it, I even used the damn "foot stepping" metaphor, it's like the go-to metaphor for calling someone out nicely).<br />Part of me would like to send him the various appropriate "Derailing for Dummies" links and explain the idea of "tone arguments" (among others) in swear filled detail.<br /><br />It's sort of up in the air is what I'm saying. (Like the elephants).TheDeviantEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11962230588950968738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088212709652359108.post-64193226597584186672010-06-09T13:42:08.618-04:002010-06-09T13:42:08.618-04:00You've got to be shitting me! Ugh, I hate the...You've got to be shitting me! Ugh, I hate the whole "don't accuse me!" thing, just got to field that from my brother yesterday when he made a sexist remark and I called him on it. My mom even came to his defense, saying "he didn't mean it that way", which, ok, intent is only part of it, and not intending it offensively doesn't make it not offensive. Grarrh.<br /><br />I just wanna say, though, un-named blogdude, the "wait, Tiwonge is a woman!" (and also, I've heard it said by one source that the name should be Tionge, the female version of Tiwonge, but I haven't been able to verify that, so...) part of the story has been making the rounds at places like Shakesville, TransGriot, and PHB for AT LEAST a week now, complete with appropriate commentary on the vasty silences of the mainstream LGB pubs and continual misframing of the situation as one of anti-gay oppression, instead of anti-trans. You could only have missed it if either A: you only read the big ones, or B: you've deliberately decided not to seek out further information on the story. If A, you're part of the problem, and if B, well, there's no excuse for that.<br /><br />From reading his comments, I doubt further engaging will produce any kind of measurable positive result, unfortunately. He seems way too wrapped up in defending his privilege and playing the "I'll only be a (half-assed, token) ally if you're NICE to me, and offer criticisms in a totally neutral tone with flowers and chocolates on a silver platter, ok?" game. I think I'd send one last email, whether a "reasonable" or angry tone is up to you, and then wash my hands of the whole thing - and be sure to say, in the email, that I'm done reading his shit until he gets over his privilege issues, so to speak. Maybe, if you haven't already, add the examples you put here, of how fuck-ups are handled at Shakesville (which, as you say, is great about that, and really where I learned how to handle privilege-related fuckups without turning into a huge douche about it), so he can't say you're just being negative. You're offering him a positive example of how to do it right. <br /><br />I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Bleh.Jadelynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11119504965056881450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088212709652359108.post-66488511479500931282010-06-09T13:32:59.309-04:002010-06-09T13:32:59.309-04:00Honestly, I've taken all the roads you've ...Honestly, I've taken all the roads you've laid out at various times, and can only recommend you take the one you find most useful/satisfying to you. I'm certainly not going to tell you you've <i>got</i> to do anything. Epic Flounce can be really satisfying, but it's much harder with a pre-moderated commenting section. A link to a good article about tone arguments might be useful, if you thought the person would read it.CaitieCathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04044935117452832240noreply@blogger.com